Updated: Apr 15
When I was younger in the faith, I heard many people say things like we need to be full of expectation. I’m expecting God to move tonight was a common phrase in Charismatic circles. I suppose it was Christian pop culture in the '80s and 90s and beyond.
From those times, I learned that I had to muster up my faith into a frenzy. I learned I had to pray hard to build up my most holy faith and be expectant. So many times I prayed and fasted, for God to move at a meeting. Sometimes I witnessed it. Sometimes I didn’t. But I never noticed when God didn’t move, because I also learned that God may have done things in the spirit realm. Things that I couldn’t see with my natural eyes.
I don’t say any of this to diminish the need to pray in faith. I bring it up here, to say that I was missing something very important.
There is a place for awe and wonder. There’s a place for seeing God‘s movement as a gift that comes unexpectedly. It’s a way of seeing God‘s activity in the earth and in our personal lives without having it connected to a prayer of expectation.
I also learned not to expect an apology. That sounds like wise measured advice, doesn’t it? While it's good advice, what if deep down in my heart I really wanted an apology? That desire bumped right up against the measured advice that was given. Therein lies a conflict between the mind and soul.
What about the times our expectation is for God to move in a particular way and it doesn’t happen? Have you ever prayed for the physical healing of a sick person but they die? Our faith can get rocked.
Didn’t I pray hard enough?
Why is my face not strong enough?
Was there even the smallest hint of doubt in my heart?
I’m a good bit older now, and hopefully a little wiser. This is what I’ve learned in the past few years I hanging out with God and deconstructing.
I’ve learned to pray and just let things take their natural course. It was in the letting go of my expectations, that I saw more of God’s movement in my life and in the lives of others. That’s a gift! That gift of awe and wonder came right up to my front door and walked right in.
Because of this new gift, I learned to trust my gut when something sounds a bit off. This is something I was too afraid to do before. I always thought “they’re in leadership. So they must know more than me.”
I learned that popular messages cant be applied in every situation. This is precisely why we have to stay in step with the Holy Spirit.
Galatians 5:25 Has become a life verse for me. If we live by the Spirit, let us also keep in step with the Spirit.
Trusting my gut, recognizing we’re all capable of being wrong from time to time, and staying in step with Holy Spirit is also a gift in and of itself.
I pray you learn from this woman’s experiences so that you be led by His good spirit rather than some kind of fear.
Are you currently deconstructing without wanting to give up on God?
Are you currently rethinking things you learned when you were younger?
Do you ever wonder if it’s ok to think differently than the evangelical preachers and teachers we all respect?
Then let’s talk. You can email me directly at
May your eyes be opened to the gift of awe and wonder