Who's Teaching Who

I am the mom of two young boys. Asher is 10 and Elijah is 4. I do my best to help guide them as they develop into the people God designed them to be, but honestly, sometimes I feel like God uses them way more to teach ME.

As many of you probably know first hand, this school year is completely unique. Many kids have returned to school in a hybrid situation, while other households, like mine, find themselves completely virtual...at least for the time being. I don't know about you, but there is a reason I am not a teacher. It is not how I'm cut out. 

Regardless, I've been thrust into a job that I never applied for. I spend many days feeling helplessly inadequate and in over my head. I often mentally berate myself for not doing a better job juggling all the balls and for feeling like such a red-hot mess.  After all, I ASKED God to give me patience and to shape me into the person He created me to be. And I think that's exactly what He's doing. If I want to build these muscles, they have to meet some resistance, right?

It was in this state of mind that I found myself watching my 5th grader struggling a bit with some new math concepts. I'm sitting there explaining material to him that seems completely useless to me--wondering to myself why a ten-year-old needs to know such things in the first place.  The Holy Spirit whispered to my heart, "He needs to know because what will be required of him in the future hinges on his mastery of the skills he is learning now. You can't skip steps."

In that moment, it was like an arrow found its bullseye. Isn't it just like human nature to want to skip all the steps that don't make sense, that cause us pain, that brings us discomfort?

I pray for patience yet balk at the circumstance that affords me the chance to develop it. I pray to be gracious,  yet I chafe at every encounter with a difficult person. I want God to send me as He will until there is a conflict with my own agenda. 

When did deciding how best to 'grow myself' become a job I am qualified to undertake? Doesn't the One who designed and created me know best how to prune and nurture the growth He has in mind?