This will be a different kind of blog post this month. I'm stepping away from the usual content of emotional healing to bring an equally important content about domestic violence. Domestic violence is a reality. There's no getting around it. Chances are you have experienced it or know someone that has. 1 in 4 women and 1 in 7 men will experience severe physical violence by an intimate partner in their lifetime. 1 in 10 women in the United States will be raped by an intimate partner in her lifetime. The term intimate partner includes married couples too. Women can be raped by their husbands.
I want to address rape within a marriage. Many of us have been told by the church, that is woman's body is for the man's pleasure and she should submit to him in every way because that pleases the Lord. I want to challenge that a bit.
If no means no then it should apply to the marriage bed as well?
If a woman is sleeping and is awakened by her husband penetrating her without consent, how is that any different?
If a woman is sick or tired her no should be respected so her body can rest?
If a man is forceful and rough how is that different than being raped by a stranger?
Ephesians 5: 21-29
Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church
Notice that right before where it says wives submit to their husbands it says to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
It's true the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church. I ask you would Christ ever force submission on anyone? And if the husband should love his wife the same way Christ loved the church wouldn't it mean some denial of self?
If rape defiles a woman how is a husband able to not see that he is defiling his beautiful bride?
If a husband is to love his wife as himself, yet forces his wife into acts she has not consented to, sending a contradictory message?
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things, there is no law.
Shouldn't men also develop unselfish love, practice patience, be gentle and use self-control?
There are numerous Christian books out there that say men have higher sex drives than women. That's not entirely true. Yes, most men do have a higher sex drive (58%), but in 23% of marriages it's shared, and in 19% of marriages she has the higher sex drive. But should not be interpreted that it's the woman's responsibility to keep the man happy or from straying outside the marriage.
. The church must correct this unscriptural interpretation of scripture. It's harmful. This isn't just my opinion. There are plenty of God-fearing men and women out there sharing a similar message and are much more educated than I am on the subject. If you are a woman that questions what is happening to her in the bedroom is harmful or you are ready to unpack things just email me at I will listen and offer you resources to keep learning and growing in your marriage. All of the conversations will be confidential and there's no charge.
Lisa Pinney is a certified encounter coach and the founder of Pittsburgh Transformation Center. She is an expert in working with hurting people to help them experience healing and emotional wholeness through deep personal encounters with God. She trains others to become resiliency coaches. She is the author of the book DEEPER, Living the Christian Life in the Deep Down. Lisa is the developer of CUT CARDS. A groundbreaking, faith-filled, therapeutic deck of cards based on scriptural principles and cognitive behavior therapy. She is a speaker and conducts DEEPER STILL CONTEMPLATIVE RETREATS.
Her mission and call are to see the message of emotional healing through Christ become as much a part of the regular Christian experience as reading, worship, and prayer are.